Relationships Fail Without Goals

What Are Your Relationship Goals?

Everyone believes they should have goals for everything in life but personal relationships.  Once you make it to alter then what happens next?  It’s becoming more apparent that divorce becomes an illuminating possibility.  Why?  Couples rarely take the time to establish goals in their relationship.  I remember contributing to an article written by Elizabeth Bernstein for the Wall Street Journal about “Performance Appraisals in Marriages“.  It’s ironic how we are creatures of habit when it comes to mile marking external success and failures but we struggle to navigate our relationships to be equally successful.

You will learn that relationship building never ends but gets easier and better over time when the foundation is established.  After 21 years of marriage, I understand how easy it is to forget that people change.  For example, when I married my husband I hated bananas and peanut butter.  Now, I love them both.  So, if he went out to buy himself some banana pudding and didn’t think of me I might get offended.  Then he may get offended that I would think he should bring me something he knew I didn’t like.  How was he to know when I started liking bananas if I never told him?

These are some goals below to help get you started on building a successful relationship.  My goals are to have a strong and loving family.  It doesn’t automatically happen on its own, I have to put measures in place to make it successfully strong.

Goal #1
Keep communication open and honest by having at least 20 minutes of uninterrupted time together at least weekly.
Problem
Couples wait too long to talk about issues before they become problems.  Most situations can be addressed and worked out if they each person is given an opportunity to discuss their thoughts openly.
Goal #2
Share in each other’s individual goals by supporting and asking questions that keep the other individual motivated towards their personal success.
Problem
Couples often assume that marriage is a one size fits all deal and forget they entered into the marriage as individuals before they became one.  If couples don’t view one another as supportive they will have a tendency to build resentment in that area and it penetrates other parts of their relationships.  No one should feel limited because they are in a relationship.  Each person has a responsibility to build one another up towards their personal visions.
Goal #3
Do not assume without asking.  Perception is reality.
Problem

Couples bring individual experiences into their relationships that distort their view of the other partner.  They have flashbacks of how their parents handled similar situations and presume that pattern applies to them also.  However, there are many of stipulations that individuals are not apart of that contribute to the outcomes of choices we see others make.  If they are working late more frequently, do not assume it is an affair unless you ask.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.