I can’t begin to explain the events that took place on the night when I was in Paris. All I can think about is how I should have been smart enough not to be left alone. Maybe if I would have stayed behind and not even went to Paris, I could have stopped this from happening. Maybe if I would have went to the club instead of trying to get rest I would have been able to stop this from happening. Maybe if I would have stayed at another hotel I would I have been able to stop them violating me.
STUCK POINTS
I should have been smarter. Maybe I’m just as ignorant as my haters think I am. What kind of mother am I to sit around with all this jewelry without a body guard. I should have listened to my friend who told me to come hang out with her. I can’t believe I was so stupid not to think I wouldn’t be harmed.
DISBELIEF
This world is really dangerous and people can’t be trusted. I can’t trust those who are supposed to protect me. How will I ever be able to leave my house? My children will never be safe without me in their sight. I have to be smarter so I can ensure me and family are safe. I need to listen to my gut instead of thinking things are okay.
BLAME
How could I been so stupid? I know my position, why wouldn’t I be more cautious? I should have hired security for my security. I will never be the same. This is going to destroy my career. How will I keep my kids safe? This has ruined my life.
GENERALIZATION
I will not let this destroy me. I’m going to increase my security. I will hire more security and make sure I triple my staff. I will have cameras installed in every room and vehicle. I need to be aware of my surroundings and never go places where I can’t be protected. How will I know who did this? Was this someone I know? I can’t help but feel that I will have to watch over my shoulder.
ALL OR NOTHING
I wish I could sleep without worrying. I wish I could close my eyes without visions of that horrible moment. I could have died. What would have happened with my children if they lost their mother? Lord, help me sleep and wake up from this nightmare.
EXAGERRATION
I will one day recover from this thing called PTSD. Everyday won’t be great, but everyday won’t be bad. Give me time to grow through my cycles of grief. I may not be the same because life now has a new reality. I have to navigate my way to find my way back to safety. I’ll get there. With the help of God, my family, and my therapist , I will get back my normal. I won’t be a victim of my trauma. I will be able to live through this victoriously….just give me time.
RECOVERY
……….Forever PTSD from Kim
