Loving While You’re Hurting

Why do you stay when everything says you should leave?

Hurt is a monster that everyone comes face to face with sometime during their life.  Hurt doesn’t care about your status, upbringing, lifestyle, performance, but it’s a steady condition that will impact each one of us.  Particularly, from those we love the most.  Whether you have dealt with cheating, lying, or betrayal, it pushes you into a position to choose to stay or go.  So, how does one make the choice to stay? 

We have read in the news stories about celebrity gossip and rumors of tragic endings to marriages.  We all remember the news about the Beyonce being fed up with Jay Z and his cheating and how the marriage was getting ready to end.  Problem is, we heard a published version that was later dispelled from Beyonce’s song version of her life and the fact they are still together.  If he cheated, was it because she wasn’t beautiful enough or smart enough?  I beg to differ.  Whatever the reason, she had to get the point of choosing to stay or go.  It appears she chose to stay.  So why don’t others? 

Recently, Mary J. Blige filed for divorce from her husband of 12 years.  Other than irreconcilable differences, the true reason is unknown.  So, whatever the betrayal of hurt may have been, why did she choose to exit rather than stay? 

Whether you live the life of celebrity or an everyday person, you will get hurt by someone you love.  This is the most devastating type of hurt because you never see it coming.  Even if you were able to see certain signs you will likely choose to give that person an advantage because of your love for them.  Does this make you blind?  Maybe.  Does it make you stupid?  That’s for you to determine.  What I have learned in my 21 years of marriage is that love is multifaceted.  Relationships represent the pie of life.  

When you examine a person you love, it is easy to assess multiple traits about that individual that makes your relationship valuable.  I’ll use my marriage for example.  I love the way my husband makes me laugh (humor), his sensitivity to my needs, his thoughtfulness, his desire to please me, his ability to parent, his concern for others, his thugness, his love for God, his intimacy, his creativeness, etc.  So, he has become my pie of life based on all those traits.  I may slice some of those traits equally or some may occupy smaller space in my pie.  When I look at the man I love, I see everything that makes him my pie.   


Now, when you examine your relationship as a pie then you can place an indicator on why you choose to stay.  What you realize is, he ain’t all bad.  If you remove 80% (which is extreme) and see 20% good, would you still throw out the whole pie?  This is why we choose to stay when others tell us to leave.  Everything points to the fact that he isn’t any good, but what’s good for you will never be what’s good for someone else.  Others only get to see a portion of your pie which is why you really have to understand what you have to make the decision on what you need to do.   

If you are able to take out the portion of hurt that was bad and you have enough that makes it still good, then why wouldn’t you stay?  We need to closely examine the value people hold within our lives.  You’re not stupid if you forgive someone who hurts you.  You’re just savoring the value of the rest of your pie.

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Shannon Battle



I am a resource for consultation with those who are stumped by a particular problem or hindered by a particular obstacle or barrier.


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